Online dating can be akin to navigating new territory in the 1800s in the wild wild West. You are searching for gold and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, which spans across hundreds of miles. Sound familiar?
How many times have you swiped left to find your person only to go on so many bad dates that you probably have a list going by now? I know I do.
Since becoming divorced in December of 2023, I started to join the online dating world the last several months. Do you think of online dating as the wild wild West? Well, try adding a physical disability with a wheelchair to your photos. I feel as though I have now become a solo astronaut on their first mission to Saturn. The fact of the matter is, we all see difference.
When people tell me they don’t see my wheelchair, well, that’s just a lie. Of course, they see my wheelchair, but they may not identify me as appearing to be disabled due to living a full life. This still does a disservice to so many in the disability community basically eradicating our authentic lived experiences. I will leave this form of Ableism alone for just a moment since this is an article on dating.
The truth is, and I’m just being honest, my data pool gets sliced in half because many will see a first glance of a wheelchair and cannot even fathom the possibilities of what it would be like to date a woman with a disability, especially a physically noticeable one. I get it. That’s okay. The way I look at it is this: I automatically weed out individuals who won’t even expand their minds beyond the physical. Great. Moving on …
So, I was diving back into the online dating game again. I looked at my profile from 7 years ago and realized it is not only out of date, but no longer represents who I have become, who I have grown into, and what I represent as a human being today. Back to the drawing board.
I have been trying Zoosk, match.com, and elite single’s. I thought critically about how I want to represent myself knowing that I have at most 3000 characters to do this, just like a LinkedIn post.
How do you advertise yourself? After all, it’s basically a marketing game. Yes, someone will get to know your true authentic self eventually, but they have to swipe right on you first, right? The answer is yes.
So, how can I boil down my life in 3000 characters for someone to get a general vibe of me, what I stand for, what I look like, and what I am looking for in a partner. Listen, even if you want a long-term partner and that is your goal – you should not place your hopes and dreams on any human being on your first date. If you do, you may need to take a break from online dating to re-evaluate your own life goals and make sure you’re happy with yourself first.
I did this. I went through intensive therapy after my husband and I separated at the end of 2022. I had to figure out what patterns I wanted to break for myself, making sure I don’t find a partner who I wanted to fix (a pattern absence broken), ensuring I am my authentic self, and don’t just become a chameleon to fit into their vibe, etc. It’s hard. It’s a lot of work.
If you are just looking for some fun in the sun, go for it! One-night wonders are fun as well. I’ve been there. However, in the back of my mind I was eventually wanted to find my person again and full well knowing this may take years. I’ve come to a place in my life where I’m totally happy alone, but would love someone to share with. If you rely on another person to make you feel great, therapy. This bears repeating – Therapy! Do your own work first on yourself.
I fully believe you attract the type of person for where you are in the universe yourself. If you are in a psychological or emotional downward spiral, you will likely attract another who is in the same space. Occasionally this may work out, but not likely in the long run.
I want to share with you today my online dating profile as I have been asked by dozens for this. I think it encompasses a lot of what I’m looking for and you must remember that you have to write a profile that is authentic to yourself. For me, while I am very upfront and honest about pretty much everything, I also like to dispel any questions that I usually get in the beginning. For example, do you have sex? Most people in wheelchair are all too familiar with this question.
ONLINE DATING PROFILE:
“I grew internationally traveling around the world with the most incredible family. My mom is German and my dad is English. I have always been full of life, energetic, adventurous, lived in China, many countries in Europe, grew up in and out island in the Bahamas, and been fortunate to experience so much in life. I move to Raleigh, North Carolina from China a handful of years ago and have built up an incredible life here.
WHAT WOULD MY FRIENDS SAY?
Without a doubt they would say am quirky, silly, thought-provoking, kind, empathetic, live in dark humor, love to make people smile and laugh, a serious and curious thinker, and someone who is always willing to give their shirt off their back if it helps another human being.
I am really one of those people that always find the bright side of things even in the darkest of circumstances. I get that we all go through our challenges in life, but I think it’s what you make of it once you get through a challenging time that really defines you as a human being.
Life really is about people for me and the connections you make. All the adventures will follow afterwards. When you really find a person who gets you; you may or may not have all shared interests, but you learn to compromise with one another and find things you both enjoy doing.
PROFESSIONALLY:
I am a disability strategy consultant for corporations, a global keynote speaker, and technical analysis day trader. Basically, I’m a consultant and I simply love to help other humans in life and face my career around this.
WHAT DO I LOVE TO DO?
I love people. I work hard, but love to go on adventures and travel and meet great people. I love to go so socially on the weekends and grab some drinks and going dancing or snuggle up for a great night with the movie equally. I’m incredibly passionate about all kinds of accessible travel adventures such as surfing, swimming, wake boarding, scuba diving, ziplining, etc.
I love talking about pretty much everything on the planet. I’m insatiably curious. I may not share your personal views, but I will always listen and I really pride myself on seeing different perspectives.
WHEELCHAIR STORY:
Let’s get all the elephants out of the room 🙂 When I was 27 living at my home in the Bahamas, I took a shallow water dive breaking my neck leaving me a C6 quadriplegic (basically paralyzed from the boobs down, paralyzed hands, but upper body mobility is great). I exercise all the time, eat healthy, and stay in great shape for being in wheelchair.
My personality has quite literally never changed, but I just have to live my life in an adapted way.
I joke that a lot of people wear their disability on the inside, but I just happened have mine on the outside.”
I can’t tell you how many dozens of men commented on how refreshing it was to read my profile. I have the statistics. I have the Excel sheet to prove it. Fair or not, because life is not fair, I felt like I had to work a little bit harder because when a person first sees the wheelchair, they are naturally going to have a thousand questions running through their mind if they could be involved with something like this. It’s honestly fair. If I was able-bodied, I would probably do the same thing.
So, I had to really pump my profile and one gentleman commented that he actually dated my profile for about 30 minutes to imagine the possibilities. I thought that was so beautiful. My kind of people 🙂 I have a very special person in my life now, but we’re keeping it private for the moment. I will share when I am able to.
I’m always here to help with online dating profiles because I love to do it and we all crave human connection. It’s natural. It’s human.
I will leave you with this … Don’t give up. You may go on 5 bad dates and the 6th one may be great. It’s just a numbers game. It is statistics. I actually feel quite grateful to have a spinal cord injury at this moment because I’ve learned to adapt to seemingly insurmountable challenges on a daily basis and never give up. Yes, I’m one of those eternal optimists. I can help it and I never will!
